The "Out of Nowhere" Breakup of your 20s

I've heard from guy and girl friends alike the same "it came out of nowhere" break up story over the past few months, maybe even years. The "it's not you, it's me"s. The "I just need to focus on my career" right now. The "I'm not ready to get married, so why be so serious" conversations. And depending on which side of the table my friend happened to land on, my response varied, but in all honesty I get it. It always sucks to be on the receiving end of the breakup news when you claim to have thought things were going just fine, but the truth of the matter is the "out of nowhere" breakup is never really out of nowhere.

The signs are always there. Whether it be the lack of presence while doing things that you used to enjoy together, or something as blatant as claiming to be on a "break" when going stag to a wedding, that weird feeling in the pit of your stomach that you can't quite distinguish between hunger and nausea is called [woman's] intuition. And it doesn't mean that the other person is most certainly in the wrong and you should go snooping through things because the Chinese food you had for lunch didn't sit well and you're confusing that for a sign, it simply means something might be off about the situation and worth addressing. But when you address it and you get the "I need to find myself" excuse I empathize, because that might be one of the hardest pills to swallow.

It's the hardest to swallow because you can't place on the blame on either side, but yet don't know where to direct the angry and confused energy. Because you can't argue with someone about what they perceive as their life journey and what that journey entails, especially because every opinion article or self-help book about the 20s preaches how this is the time to be the "good kind of selfish". What I'd really like to know is when our society became so entitled that the thought of the possibility of other options and opportunities out-valued the tangible things or people currently in ones life. We've become a generation expectant of such immediate gratification, constantly plugged into some device that redirects our attention away from the present into a virtual world of endless possibility and lose sight of the people and things right in front of us. It's like our self-esteem is affirmed by the number of likes a photo gets on Instagram, sexual fantasies can be experienced voyeuristically with a few clicks, and you feel like you know someone because you stalked their social media profiles, but yet you refer to them with their middle name as their last. It's not real, people.

Princess Syndrome: How Disney Sets Us Up for Disappointment

"Post-Happily Ever After"

I stumbled upon this picture on Pinterest yesterday. I aptly pinned it to my "Reality Check" board, and then remembered an idea for a post I had months ago when I first revived the blog. Having a younger sister who is obsessed with all things "Princess" has really revealed to me how much of an impact these movies have on our psyche at such a crucial age in development. Through these images and story lines, she is learning perceptions of beauty, of good and evil, expectations of others, and most prevalent in all of these films is the emphasis on gender roles. I could literally probably write a dissertation on this, but for the sake of this post, I will focus on the three biggest problems these films create as it pertains to male and female relationships later down the road:

#1) "I'm a princess and should be treated as such."

#2) "I'm waiting for my Prince Charming to come and save me."

#3) "And we will live happily ever after."

"I'm a princess and should be treated as such."

This mentality is ingrained so early in a young girl's mind, and while some have trouble believing it and self-esteem issues also created by Disney imagery and the like can overshadow it, many others wear this proclamation across their chest in "Daddy's Little Princess" labeled t-shirts and when they outgrow those, they wear it across their forehead as they enter adulthood, especially if Daddy is still paying their rent. 

My sister sometimes affectionately calls my dad "Prince Naveen" (re: Princess & The Frog). There is much truth to the idea that a father is a little girl's first love. He is the first man she sees in real life.  He is the first man to tell her that he loves her, that provides for her, that protects and comforts her, that reminds her that she is his little princess, deserving of all there is to have in this world - money, jewels, unconditional love. And if it's not her father telling her this, it's often her mother doing so, and overcompensating for his lack of presence, his lack of love, with material things. So the Princess mentality becomes even more compounded. It becomes, "If I find my Prince Charming, I will have found happiness. But having lots of pretty things can also make me happy. So until I've found him, I'll make myself happy with things." Retail therapy, anyone?

LOTD: Little Miss Sunshine - Lunch Date Attire

Top: Urban Outfitters | Skirt: F21 | Shoes: Dolce & Gabanna

Necklace: Henri Bendel | Ring: Vintage | Arm Candy: Michele, David Yurman

Call me dorky if you'd like, but whenever I have a set date with my boo piece, I get excited and dolled up as if he's never met me before. Idk there's just something about being asked to go somewhere at a set date and time, doesn't matter where, but it's a date. Nonetheless, when I woke up this morning, it was all dreary and rainy, and I have this thing when it's gross outside I decide to brighten up the day with my attire. Strange, I know. But it brightens moods, I tell ya!

I've wanted to play with the trend of mixing prints and monochromatic looks for a while, and this stripes and pleats yellow look gives me a tad of both worlds. Whenever I wear yellow I always pine over silver or gold accessories, but today rose gold and brushed silver took the lead, so I thought I'd show off my baubles. The grey patent slingbacks I nabbed from Mommy's closet perfectly complimented my grey stripes and the rain :).

I hoped to brighten the gloomy day when he saw me, but the Sun wasn't having my competition and came out just in time for our lunch date in Chinatown. Great food and greater company.

Happy Tuesday! 

xox

Waiting for "The Perfect Girl"? How about you become "The Perfect Guy" first??

So yesterday, while scrolling along my FB timeline I came upon a link to an article entitled, "The Perfect Girl",  on a website entitled "Elite Daily - The Voice of Generation Y" and a status alluding to the fact that he and a his fellow "elites" should never stop looking or settle for anything but, the perfect girl.

Now it's going to take a lot of self-control, but I'm going to stay as high-level as I can, while asking this lad and his fellow friends at Elite, while they post articles like "Study: You Can Tell How Fertile She Is By The Way She Wiggles Her Hips" and "New Craze of Men Tweeting Pictures of Their One Night Stands", why on God's Earth do you believe you deserve the perfect girl? Have you by any means achieved the crowning glory of being The Perfect Guy? And if you have not, what makes you think the perfect girl wants anything to do with your so far from perfect behind?!

The guys over at Elite list the qualities of their so called "Perfect Girl", which are all admirable and relatively obtainable. Yet for each criteria listed, I'm going to put our corresponding one out there too, why not, right? Let's be clear - nothing I'm noting is about any one man I know, but instead a amalgamation of qualities of men I've heard stories about or know of that maintain absurd expectations of women and such misguided perceptions of themselves...

Let's get started.