Princess Syndrome: How Disney Sets Us Up for Disappointment

"Post-Happily Ever After"

I stumbled upon this picture on Pinterest yesterday. I aptly pinned it to my "Reality Check" board, and then remembered an idea for a post I had months ago when I first revived the blog. Having a younger sister who is obsessed with all things "Princess" has really revealed to me how much of an impact these movies have on our psyche at such a crucial age in development. Through these images and story lines, she is learning perceptions of beauty, of good and evil, expectations of others, and most prevalent in all of these films is the emphasis on gender roles. I could literally probably write a dissertation on this, but for the sake of this post, I will focus on the three biggest problems these films create as it pertains to male and female relationships later down the road:

#1) "I'm a princess and should be treated as such."

#2) "I'm waiting for my Prince Charming to come and save me."

#3) "And we will live happily ever after."

"I'm a princess and should be treated as such."

This mentality is ingrained so early in a young girl's mind, and while some have trouble believing it and self-esteem issues also created by Disney imagery and the like can overshadow it, many others wear this proclamation across their chest in "Daddy's Little Princess" labeled t-shirts and when they outgrow those, they wear it across their forehead as they enter adulthood, especially if Daddy is still paying their rent. 

My sister sometimes affectionately calls my dad "Prince Naveen" (re: Princess & The Frog). There is much truth to the idea that a father is a little girl's first love. He is the first man she sees in real life.  He is the first man to tell her that he loves her, that provides for her, that protects and comforts her, that reminds her that she is his little princess, deserving of all there is to have in this world - money, jewels, unconditional love. And if it's not her father telling her this, it's often her mother doing so, and overcompensating for his lack of presence, his lack of love, with material things. So the Princess mentality becomes even more compounded. It becomes, "If I find my Prince Charming, I will have found happiness. But having lots of pretty things can also make me happy. So until I've found him, I'll make myself happy with things." Retail therapy, anyone?

And when she's acquired many things, it affirms her status as not only an indulgent Princess, but an independent one, if she's bought them for herself. So Prince Charming's role evolves to taking care of her in a way that she cannot herself, while still maintaining her sense of royalty. 

"I'm waiting for my Prince Charming to come and save me."

The bar is set high for Prince Charming. He must be tall and attractive, strong but gentle, sweet and compassionate but witty and wealthy enough to save you from whatever your situation may be and make all your dreams come true. He must also humble himself in the wake of your holier than thou "I am a Princess and shall be treated as such" attitude, prove himself worthy to you, and request your hand in marriage with bated breath. 

Hmmm, so you've already significantly reduced the pool of eligible candidates with your physical and financial requirements. Now let's see, does anyone remember Cinderella's story? How many Princess-wannabes were there clamoring for the Prince's attention? The ratio is looking kind of familiar, right? And why did he fall in love with Danielle de Barbarac (yes I'm channeling Drew Barrymore in Ever After circa '98)? Because she was fiery and witty, but most importantly without illusions of grandeur for self-perceived importance, un-tainted by wealth and kind.

Which creates quite the confusing dichotomy for suitors, if you're so important and independent without them, why do you need or want them? What exactly are they saving you from? Or do they just fit in the picture you've created for your life to hang above the mantel in the castle? And if you do need them to save you from some great peril, don't you think you might want to show a little kindness and less entitlement in your interaction? As the old saying goes, you attract more flies with honey than vinegar. Not so sure I want to attract flies per se, but the buzz has to be created someway. 

"And we will live happily ever after."

I think this is the one that bothers me the most, and it's why the image above moved me so much. I understand that these are children's films. They need to be kept light and airy, sold as fairy tales, but that's ignoring the fact that these are inappropriately held onto by young girls instead as parables. Yes, it is the parents' responsibility to teach them the difference between fairy tales and reality, but it's a lot harder to undo the damage done by tantalizing fantasies and then teach them about devastating "unrealistic" possibilities in their innocent eyes.

Snow White & Belle are the most jarring pictures of the fairy tale gone oh so wrong. For sake of screen time, the courtship between them and their princes is blown through, but add a little sparkle and fairy dust and poof! Everything is magical and perfect. PSA little ladies: THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT WORKS!

I'm not sure if I want Disney to include a little disclaimer with each of their DVDs, princess dresses that they sell for $75 a pop or place it on the back of the ticket to Disneyworld, idk. Maybe that's too young to jade them, it's kind of nice to hold onto that innocence for as long as possible. But when the innocence becomes arrogance and the fairy tale becomes expectation is where I have a teensy little problem.

I guess I'm yearning for more stories about friendship and fun that grows into love, instead of wars and witchcraft that result in need of saving. I guess it's naive of me to think that would make for a good story, huh? I guess it's up to us to tell my sister that she's beautiful without Tangled Rapunzel's flowing locks, that there's no evil woman named Ursula cooking up a spell to steal her charms, and that when she meets a boy that makes her laugh and treats her with respect that he's her Prince Charming, even if he's got glasses and freckles like Chucky from the Rugrats.

That's my two cents for the day.

xox