Waiting for "The Perfect Girl"? How about you become "The Perfect Guy" first??

So yesterday, while scrolling along my FB timeline I came upon a link to an article entitled, "The Perfect Girl",  on a website entitled "Elite Daily - The Voice of Generation Y" and a status alluding to the fact that he and a his fellow "elites" should never stop looking or settle for anything but, the perfect girl.

Now it's going to take a lot of self-control, but I'm going to stay as high-level as I can, while asking this lad and his fellow friends at Elite, while they post articles like "Study: You Can Tell How Fertile She Is By The Way She Wiggles Her Hips" and "New Craze of Men Tweeting Pictures of Their One Night Stands", why on God's Earth do you believe you deserve the perfect girl? Have you by any means achieved the crowning glory of being The Perfect Guy? And if you have not, what makes you think the perfect girl wants anything to do with your so far from perfect behind?!

The guys over at Elite list the qualities of their so called "Perfect Girl", which are all admirable and relatively obtainable. Yet for each criteria listed, I'm going to put our corresponding one out there too, why not, right? Let's be clear - nothing I'm noting is about any one man I know, but instead a amalgamation of qualities of men I've heard stories about or know of that maintain absurd expectations of women and such misguided perceptions of themselves...

Let's get started.

Men #1) Natural Beauty 
You want to wake up next to us and not scared half to death without the makeup. I get it. While it may not be rocket science or Kim Kardashian's makeup squad to make me look this way, it does take a bit of tucking, squeezing, pulling, or holding of our hair, skin, breath or abs at some point to look this way. It's called maintenance. And we're going to need you to employ some too.

So for the Women's 1st request:

Women #1) Maintain Your Sexy. 
When we get up in the morning to use the "restroom" just before the sun comes up, and you're wondering what's taking so long, we're washing our faces and if we don't have a toothbrush there, we're using your mouthwash, tousling our hair so we return with just the perfect amount of bedhead so when you do roll over, you like what you see. TAKE A HINT. Brush your teeth when you're in there, take the little balls or deodorant out of your armpits so we can curl up under there unscathed, manscape every now and then for heaven's sake. You expect us to wake up perfectly, when you can barely put in a little effort for a night on the town - sneakers, flip flops and boat shoes are not effort. Sorry. And let's not even talk about the Post-College 20. I guess since girls gain the Freshman 15, guys gain the Post-College 20 and don't want to admit it to themselves or anyone else, but their bulging back pants pockets give their secret away. Yeaahhh....if your hairline is already starting to recede, which I know is out of your control, the least you can do is keep the beer belly down. Just...maintain your sexy.

Men #2) Sense of Urgency.
You want the Beyonce to your Jay-Z. The woman who's independent, knows what she wants from life and is going for it - to enjoy all that life has to offer, just as you do. Again, I get it. You want us to be ambitious, driven and committed to achieving outside of the relationship, a challenge which I will later address, but I'm going to need the men to display a sense of urgency, not just outside the relationship but within.

Women #2) Sense of Urgency - within the relationship.
You seem to have so much ambition and drive for your personal and financial goals, in fact it's part of what attracted us to you in the first place. But where does all that energy go when it comes to maintaining your relationship? A successful relationship, I'll be generous and give it the 80/20 rule. It's about 20% love and 80% work. Display the same work ethic to the success of your relationship as you do to your work and social life and maybe you'll see riper fruits of your labor...

Men #3) Takes Care of Her Man.
Whether it's cooking or displaying the prowess of Jenna Jamison, you want to feel taken care of and supported. But you want us to be independent and successful outside the home and relationship too...? Mhmm. We do too. I guess you see the "S" on my chest.

Women #3) Takes Care of His Woman. 
For every act of kindness displayed, I think there's an unlikely equivalent for the opposite sex. For men, you enjoy being left alone to watch the game, as much we enjoy being attentively listened to about our day. We enjoy being surprised with flowers as much as you do a hearty home-cooked meal. So before you ask her why she doesn't do backflips anymore, you might want to ask yourself the last time you picked up a bouquet or rubbed her feet just because, because trust me, she is. Find how your mate receives affection and appreciation, because it might not be the same way you do, and act accordingly. Start here.

Men #4) New Age Virgin
You've accepted that it's "damn near impossible" to find a virgin, and so you think it's fair to accept if a girl can count on one hand how many guys she's been with, including you. And in this age of "New-Age Virgins", I can only hypothesize that it's dramatically and exponentially increased the number of partners men have had, but that's not supposed to matter, right...?

Women #4) A Reality Check
How about this. We're both grown individuals who have had pasts that have made us who were are today, for better or worse. So instead of assuming we're lying and multiplying the number by 3, while we take your number and multiply it by 6, let's just agree to go get tested, together even, and ensure that if we're embarking on an intimate relationship together, it's on clean slate.

Men #5) Party
You want a girl that knows how to have a good time. Duh. But not too much of a good time, because that wouldn't be ladylike, right? Smh.

Women #6) Party - responsibly.
We want a dude who's going to have a good time, but not have too much of a good time that we have to carry him home, fight for the keys, or even worse not know where he is. This isn't college anymore.

Men #7) Style
You want us to look good all the time and not worry about our threads looking like a clown or from a flea market. I can't even be mad at this one, because some of the recent trends are just a tad much for my taste, so we'll safely counter with the same.

Women #7) Style - but not too metro.
I think I already touched this point in the Maintain Your Sexy part, but also have a mature sense of style, without having us question your sexuality, please. It's for our sake and yours, and the rest of the world's lack of confusion.

Men #8) Confidence
You want a woman to own her sexy, never to ask how she looks in a dress, and be fierce at all times. Cool. This is doable.

Women #8) Confidence - without being arrogant.
Sadly, women often end up with a-holes because their arrogance is easier to deal with than another's jealous insecurities. There is a very thin line between confidence and arrogance, and the more successful men are the more the line is blurred, both by him and all onlookers. So all we can ask if that even if you're a cocky loser to the rest of the world, at least don't be that way with us. Your vulnerability is sexy, it'll make us want to take care of you and will bring us closer.

Men #9) Loyalty
You want a girl who will be by your side no matter what. The Bonnie to your Clyde. That type of dedication is earned, good sir.

Women #9) Dedication
If you honestly show us that you appreciate and value our love, that you're committed and dedicated to making the relationship work, and that you see us in your future and want to grow together -you're in there. Yeah, it's that simple.

Men & Women #10) Cultural Chameleon
You want us to be able to handle ourselves in any situation and act accordingly. And we expect the same from you. Without any judgement, hand holding, or whining about it either.

I know this was long, and I commend you for getting to the bottom of it. But I just felt it necessary. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.